y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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