his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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