Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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