The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
