quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
