They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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