Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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