weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
