somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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