one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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