YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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