Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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