If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
