if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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