They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
