you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
