Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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