fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
