I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
