oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
