have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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