That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
