I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
