Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I touched a dick in church today
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
