and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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