Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
