shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
