He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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