How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
