Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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