After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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