Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
