____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
