My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
