I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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