i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
