Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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