I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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