New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
