I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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