Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
