I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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