She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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