a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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