I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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