shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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