I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
