I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize