Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
