Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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