you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
no you cant smoke seaweed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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