wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
