Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize