Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
