rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
