can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
