This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
