So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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