Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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