Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
