so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
