We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
