Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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