Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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