This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
