Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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