Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
