people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
