Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
