I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize