I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
