I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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