Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
